I wish I had better news. There is no fast-acting fix here.
Some call it Zen. I call it getting your Catholic on. It’s the inner work that comes to aid in times such as these.
I have a friend who once told me a sticky story. (Those pearls of wisdom that stick with you.)
While in dental school she had a friend from Asia. He had English down, nuance not so much. When someone annoyed him, he would exclaim, “Who he is!” (translation: “Who does he think he is? Who is he?!)
At this moment, you must get your heavenly armor on and prepare for battle. Doing battle is another step and may not come for some time. At this moment it is your chance to prepare.
The long road
At this time in my process, I don’t see much relief for a parent in the state of California facing a habitual liar and narcissist. It’s going on 8 months that I have not seen my daughter.
The day before narcissist brought down the house with a restraining order, my daughter said she wanted to live with me and visit him. I said that would be fine. He obviously exploded and mounted an all-out campaign to keep us separated.
The Missing and Exploited Children group did nothing but file a report. Waste of time.
The police department told me that looking at porn is what guys do, and that unless I had hard evidence that it was child porn, forget about it. In retrospect I think this was a good thing because narcissist always warned me that if I reported him and showed evidence, he would say it was mine.
My church was zero help (and let’s leave it at that).
The family court mediator (Sue Mayo) said that he’s entitled to look at whatever he chooses. Oh yes, with the caveat that he never screen-share with my daughter.
The secretly and hand-selected therapist chosen by narcissist for my teenage daughter (Lois Gradwell, Walnut Creek) who coincidentally shares a suite with narcissist’s porn therapist (James Gallagos) also said he’s free to look at whatever he chooses.
I stopped telling the story. A porn addict, no matter the flavor or illness, is someone generally unfettered by law or society. Never mind that he regular volunteers to take pictures at high school events, has created a photography business with my daughter or has volunteered to host French foreign exchange students over the summer. He may be the smartest guy, at least in their rooms.