Thank you for your email:
It’s been more than a year since the last time I saw you reply. I just found this site and read your story and I’m so sorry. My first mediation session in Sacramento family court resulted in the mediator reporting that he was stalking me, he was withholding the children from me, I had not withheld the children from him, his stalking seemed unwarranted and she was afraid for our safety. The judge just told him “don’t do that” and gave him 50% custody. I ended up kicked out of my own house and living in my truck for a year. I’ve had my own place for 2 years now where I immediately started having my kids again. I know I’m lucky to have them, lucky they love me after everything they’ve heard. I was just looking online for some stories to maybe give me some strength because of course he continues to try to destroy me every day. It’s time for court again. I know now I have complex PTSD after police, judges, even CPS have not only failed to protect me and my children but have forced me to watch them be abused for years in the name of that assholes “rights”. I’m going to try to do what I have to do now because I’m not willing to let my kids be another casualty of this broken system. Although I am just as broken… if you read this, thank you for listening.
First, I AM listening. And I am so sorry. The California family court system is in the business of ruining lives. It’s painful and has nothing to do with best case methods or practices, and more to do with small people attempting to resolve their own demons through social work, and addiction to the power they hold over vulnerable lives.
Most unfortunately the lives of our children are not important to anyone but us… those who have been run over by the courts. They have no problem splitting the baby to resolve the dispute (refer to story of King Solomon, the two women and the baby).
As for me, I haven’t seen nor spoken to my daughter in over 6 years. I don’t stalk her Facebook. I don’t Google her. I’ve moved on for sanity sake, my other children and grandchildren. I do pray for her every night. It’s all that’s left.
Unlike you, my dear. You have so much more hope. You see their faces, as painful and the custody arrangement may be.
PSTD is real. It hurts and it sneaks up on you like a tiger in the night. But it’s manageable, and you can overcome. You must. For yourself and for your children. That’s your lifeline.
You’ve come this far so I know you are a strong woman. Take the next step and get a therapist, counselor, good friend to talk with. I personally prefer Christian-based therapists, but you still need to shop around for one that fits.
You can do this. We don’t stop being moms because some idiot social worker, or bumbling judge says its so. They’re heatless and we’re left to suffer. But we do it because our love is stronger and mightier. Don’t believe me? Get between a bear and her cub.
Between us moms, these are your babies for the rest of your life. Once they are 18, the court is out of your life and things will settle into authentic truth… not the contrivance of strangers who wish to social engineer others according to their own brokenness and freakish reinventions. Then you’re free. And what’s most wonderful, it sounds like you will have a life to continue to build with your kids.
Start by taking care of yourself now. They need you now and into a brighter future.